Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
