I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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