Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
