im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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