Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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