just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
