How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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