At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
