i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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