last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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