He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
