He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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