i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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