i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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