I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
