you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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