im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
