I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
