I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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