Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
two words: eviction party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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