she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
