Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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