Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
