i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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