i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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