I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
