You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
