Betty ford says i'm here all night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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