you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You ruined the universe
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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