She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
