New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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