She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Floor bacon is actually really good
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
