so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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