Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
