I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You are the jesus of drinking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
