It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
