in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
