she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
