I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
