While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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