shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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