i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
