I need help removing her.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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