Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
