i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just googled if crying burns calories
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
