The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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