i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
