Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
