You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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