I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
