Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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