He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
