I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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